So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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