i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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