Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
