I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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