maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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