I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
