I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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