And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
