got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
