Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
