You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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