3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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