i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
