Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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