I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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