Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
