I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
