I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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