decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I believe in your delicious
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
