Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
