this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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