so that wasnt chicken after all
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
