So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
