There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
