If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The Olympian is in my bed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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