youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
