They should really pass out barf bags in church
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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