Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
