super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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