just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
