He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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