here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
