he wants to bone in the snuggie
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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