I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
