I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
