I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
