her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
