is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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