I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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