Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
