operation harelip BJ is a go
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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