that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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