WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
