I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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