I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
