babies were throwing up all over the place
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can feel your judgement through the phone
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
