If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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