First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
