I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
