my mouth tastes like poor choices
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize