I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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