I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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