Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
