Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
