Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
