im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
