just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
