He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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