I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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