I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize