i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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