yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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