i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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