Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
wow bdsm is so cute
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
