This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
