he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
